Don’t marry for love

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And you may be asking yourself: So should I marry someone I don’t love?

Perhaps you have started to read this text precisely because of this title. And I challenge you to look inside yourself at this moment and understand why that statement caused you interest, or perhaps indignation, doubt, or any other feeling or emotion.

We learned from an early age that love surpasses everything, that we should love one another, and that we should only surrender, in a relationship, when there is indeed love between them.

That said, I can see the many frustrations happening daily in the hearts of newlyweds or couples who, after years together, suddenly find themselves questioning the truth of that love they said they felt for each other.

And that’s when I want to come and talk to you.

We are trained to look for the perfect person, the prince or princess, with its proper characteristics. Even though this whole idea is gradually changing, the collective unconscious related to what would be an ideal relationship is very strong in terms of perfection.

When I talk about perfection, many reply: but I don’t want it to be perfect, I just want it … And here comes a list of qualities of what we learned, unconsciously, that it would be right for a partner to have.

However, this is not the case. The prince is no longer a prince, the princess is no longer a princess. All those ideas from the beginning of the relationship, suddenly, see, one by one, going down the drain. And then the discussions begin, the demands, the cries, the separations.

Therefore, I say and repeat: do not marry for love.

Many people complain about their wives, about their husbands, list defects, make comparisons, almost as if they had a scoreboard of who was wrong most with each other, a kind of genuine pleasure in showing how imperfect the other is.

After all, it is much easier to point the finger, when the pain of looking at one’s faults tears the chest and scares us incommunicably.

And you may be asking yourself: So should I marry someone I don’t love?

No, you must marry someone you love, but with the certainty that you are not marrying for love, you are marrying for love. So don’t get married for love, get married to love.

Loving implies looking at the other without the masks that he or she wore while still representing a prince or princess.

Loving implies welcoming the flaws, the defects. And to accept is to accept, accept the other exactly with everything that came with him, from his most intimate characteristics to his family.

Yes, when we get married, we get married with the full package. And if you’re not willing to say “yes” to all of this, don’t marry for love.

Loving implies relearning to love every day that person who is at your side, even with the face tied or wrinkled.

Loving implies knowing that there will be difficult days, days when you will wonder if you will really handle all that baggage, days when you will even doubt yourself. Because life is not just about good times, and neither is marriage.

Loving implies remembering the good times when everything gets strange, difficult, then put the pride in your pocket and say: hey, are we going to stop this fight here?

To love, in fact, implies learning that it is necessary to choose wisely which fight is really worth fighting for and let the other win some of them, just for the pleasure of seeing you two in peace again.

Loving implies recognizing that being always right is not the best option. Sometimes, even right, it is good to look wrong, if it is in the name of a greater good.

Marriage implies acceptance, acceptance, struggle, gratitude, and much, much humility.

And if you’re not up for it, I have to tell you: the wedding will start off wrong.

Many ask what is the secret of a happy life with someone else, and I answer: the secret is in getting married to love.

It is choosing to marry to learn and relearn to love each day, each new dawn, each new trait that appears in the other, each new craze, each new crisis. Relearn to look at each other daily with a look of interest.

After all, we are all changing every moment, and what a wonderful thing it is to be able to share these transformations and rediscover the world with someone else.

Rediscover a new way of looking at each other and together we look at the world that we want to create for our reality.

This is proposing to marry for love and not just for love.